Where's Wallet?

I swear my son’s wallet is made of teflon and his pockets lined with silk. That thing slips out of his pants easier than Lindsay Lohan escapes court appearances.  At least the paparazzi help keep track of Lindsay. God I wish there was just one photographer following the wallet’s every move, recording each and every misstep. It could have its own twitter account and then we’d always know where to find it.  Tweet: “Just chillin’ beneath the car seat, hangin’ with my homies French Fry and Penny.”

Dylan is sentimentally attached to his wallet because it gets lost and found so many times. It would save a lot of grief if that attachment was physical rather than ethereal. He’s actually owned this wallet for quite a while. That can be attributed to the fact it once disappeared for over two years into the mechanism of the TV room’s recliner couch. He went through puberty before it turned up again.

His wallet most recently escaped somewhere between home and a friend’s house. After searching in all the expected places, Dylan sadly conceded it was gone for good. Time to call in the credit cards and head to the DMV to replace his driver’s license. I offered to take him since he didn’t have a license to drive. Of course I had to wait for him to shower, shave, choose the right shirt and slick back his hair for the photo op. Turns out they didn’t even take a new picture, they used the old one, just like Lindsay’s stock photos on the cover of the tabloids. Only Dylan doesn’t look wasted and older than his mother.

Two days later he gets a call from the local police department. Someone turned in his wallet several towns away.
Everything was in it except the cash. Like Lindsay, this wallet is never gone forever and always comes back looking a little haggard and worth a bit less.

So the next time it disappears, and it will, I am going to sit back and relax. It could take years, but I am confident it will find its way back to Dylan. Playing “Where’s Wallet?” can be frustrating, but it’s worth the effort. The good news is he has a back-up driver's license to use while looking in all the old familiar places. As for Lindsay, perhaps she should consider getting duplicate passports and really disappear for a long, long time.